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Friday, June 22nd, 2007
8:49 pm - update
it's been a long and pretty difficult week.
exactly two months ago laura got me a record player for my 25th birthday. at the time i was flat broke and couldnt afford to buy a receiver. this situation continued for a while and.
i do own records. some good ones too. some i bought, some were gifts, some i just found on the street. most are in pretty good condition. in spite of some drama, i picked up a technics receiver from the late 70s/early 80s for $25 and set the thing up. the first record i put on was "Rio" (US Mix, which is quite different from the UK version) by Duran Duran. Then me and Laura listened to Kate Bush's "The Hounds Of Love". so uh,....

today i felt cool, because after a long crappy day at work, i went to that little record store on u-street and bought 3 LPs. one by rita lee (of os mutantes), another by shriekback (feat. dave allen, ex-gang of four) and another by icehouse. i like taking chances like this. when i picked these essays out of the $1 bin, I had no idea what I was getting into. I bought the Rita Lee album cuz I know Os Mutantes. I bought Shriekback  because I looked at the date of publishing (1985) and figured that it was probably something decent and new wave and Icehouse I bought because it had the song "Hey Little Girl." i dunno, it feels nice when you trust yourself enough to use the power of association to buy music.

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Friday, June 15th, 2007
8:31 pm - This is why I started doing this shit in the first place

about friggin' time


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Saturday, May 26th, 2007
1:05 pm - In His colony
1. New blog at Colonel K Speaks: http://www.colonelkspeaks.blogspot.com/
2. I'm exhausted, but there's groceries to buy and library books to return.
3. No wonder people slow down at 30
4. I need a business card.

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Monday, May 14th, 2007
4:27 pm - Find a city...find myself a city to live in
I walked to Wonderland from 930 after the LCD Soundsystem show with some people. While we were having a drink, I expressed my desire to eventually end up in a place like Damascus, MD. I'd only had two beers, so this wasn't some drunken rant.
Why do I have this fascination with semi-pastoral life. I've lived in the DC area for nearly 7 years now and it's getting progressively worse. The summers are unbearably muggy, the roads are a mess, city administration is despicable, etc. etc. Maybe I'd rather be in the country rather than here. Perhaps because I'm from the suburbs, I have an appreciation for space. A large house in a semi-rural area would be nice. A garden to tend, a lawn to mow.

I live in a city, basically because I have to. Maybe I like the idea of a city being novel. Perhaps my pastoralism is misguided. Am I not living enough?
I like to think about cities that really impressed me. Here are a few:
*Toronto (skateboarding, cleanliness)
*Madrid  (friendliness, nightlife)
*Marseille (grittiness)
*London (diversity)
*San Francisco (skateboarding)

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Thursday, May 10th, 2007
6:27 pm - advice
sage words.
irvine welsh
band practice
last final to be emailed
grad party
saturday post up
last francis estate
LCD soundsystem
cold chillin

cuz i'm a high

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Tuesday, May 8th, 2007
9:02 am - rise/repeat
i keep reading all these absurd stories about celebrities. annie lennox's daughter throwing a wild party that caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to a $5 million dollar home; paris hilton going to jail; david hasslehoff  going with stupid shit.

am i supposed to laugh?

what would my life look like in tabloids?
"patrick bumpin' and grinding with miss laura @ radio station get together"
" disheveled patrick seen on the Metro with newspaper. fashionable man at his most super ugly"
"patrick buys powdered ice tea at the supermarket!financial worries? we think so"

i may decide to start auditing classes in portuguese, spanish or music theory. but besides those options, my academic commitments will be over on thurs night/friday morning. while this may be a big achievement, i'm not finished and that's why i'm not bursting with joy.

the most uplifting piece of news i've read all day: the beginning of devolution for northern ireland. ian paisely and marc mcguinness together in the same room.

fuck. if only finding a job wasn't so damn time consuming
why the fuck has nobody gotten back to me

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Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
12:15 am - ?
my room is a fucking mess.
this is what happens when exam period starts. i stop organizing, cleaning and all that other good stuff.
tonight is the all nighter from hell.

perhaps i should look at the positive that a) laura's roommate found a cat and b) i heard sweet jane by the velvet underground on the radio while flipping through stations on the way home.

anyone who's ever seen the shape of my window will recognize that last summer was an absolute nightmare because of the lack of AC. i could move to eugene's pad over in takoma and a) have a bigger room b) potentially have a basement practice space for the band. c) not worry about parking.

but petworth is becoming rather hip amongst the 20/30 something set. i never thought id see the day. i remember when i first moved here. it was pretty run of the mill residential, slightly hood in places, but mostly normal unassuming middle class black.

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Thursday, April 19th, 2007
3:03 pm - Colonel K at 25....fun with NATO
i had an idea that I wanted to do an essay about Nas' "Illmatic" (which came out on this day however many years ago)...but I just haven't had the time.ugh

i was in the car today and time was a factor. dammit. time. my life is sometimes like ghostface's "beat the clock"....although the inner monologue is nowhere nearly as clever.
 fucking time. i wish i had more of it. i wish i had more time to look for work or finish my essays. i wish i had more time to spend with Laura. time and buy a receiver for the turntable that she bought me. dammit.

birthdays are weird. people freak out as they get older. im sorta ambivalent. i think it's cool. you start dressing better, your hair's not all fucking weird, i don't mind turning 25. it is what it is.

it has yet to be confirmed, but yours truly may be featured on Chinese TV i'm not even joking. Special thanks to Voice of America for the hook up.

can you believe it? colonel k? a pundit
well no time for daydreaming. essay to edit, calls to make, thank you emails to send. "time is money...what the fuck."

at least i have this edible arrangement fruit basket.

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Monday, April 16th, 2007
2:41 am - uncertain
because i wanted to ride an intellectual wave, i opted to stay at GW's Gelman library until 1am. i walked back to Petworth from Foggy Bottom. I walked through Golden Triangle/K Street, up Connecticut through Dupont, onto 16th Street near Malcolm X/Meridian Hill Park, through Columbia Heights and back home.
If I didnt have my books/computer, it would've taken about 40 minutes, but because I was walking and it was windy, it took about an hour.

I listened to Joy Division's Closer for a little, then decided to go to Talking Heads'  Remain in Light.

Tomorrow's the last day I have to take antibiotics, but my paper still needs editing, i need to start another one, i need to start searching for a job again (now that I feel better).

Right now, I feel really conflicted.
On one hand:
I'm about to complete my master's degree; I've joined a band that I like playing with; spring is sort of here; my birthday is in a few days.

On the other hand:
My tooth still hurts a lot; I've lost days and days of time in the job search, I'm terrified of not finding real work, I've become consumed by my worries about money (something i prayed would never happen);  I was physically ill for so long because I couldnt devote the time to physical and mental rest; no jobs have called me back; nothing is panning out. I feel like I"m not going anywhere.

A classmate of mine said that I should settle for a short term (6 months-1year) job that'll pay the bills and look for something in the meantime. She said that I should settle for now. She also said that she doesnt really have time to listen to music and that she cannot remember the last time that she bought music. This colors my opinion of her advice, so I guess I'll just stop here....
I am tired of settling. I don't understand it, is this sort of shit-eating a pre-requisite to later stability or success.

Sometimes these sorts of feelings are all conusming. Last weekend, my dad repeatedly said that I need to just line up the problems and deal with them, not blow them up. Perhaps he's drawing from his own experience as a 25 year old African medical student doing a residency in early 80s New York City, a place where it seemed like the world was literally caving in. And he couldn't call his folks for free during evenings and weekends. Believe it or not, in 1980 t was actually cheaper to send a telegram to Uganda.
EIther way my dad made it. But his attempt to encourage me using the logic of "I did it under equally, if not more difficult circumstances" only make me feel worse. It makes me feel as though my complaints are unwarranted---but when i'm by myself  or even when I'm doing stuff that I'm supposed to be enjoying, I'm frustrated beyond belief and i feel as though my problems are a big miserable cloud over me.

Even as  I tick the essays and application deadlines off my list, I'm like "so." I guess I'm looking forward to graduation and a first show.

My friend Jordan, from France, sent me an email from Beijing with a link to an article he wrote in The Observer about Chinese laborers preparing for the Olympics. When I met him, he was freelancing for a few papers here and there, and did a stage in the UK and is now reporting from China.
I was happy for hm, but I do wonder when, and if, any of my academic talents or personal passions will bring me to such a point where I can say "I have arrived."
Maybe the music blog is a gateway...
Maybe this band is....

I had been under the impression that a post-graduate degree would help remove some of the uncertainty out of the "real world." Life decided to pull me into a corner and administer a beatdown and I've only been able to get in a few sucker punches  and cheap shots.

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Friday, April 13th, 2007
1:27 am - feedback
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

You never give me your money
You only give me your funny paper
and in the middle of negotiations
you break down

(Now, sort of)
I never give you my number
I only give you my situation
and in the middle of investigation
I break down

(Next month, after graduation. But can you really picture me as a garbage man? Sanitation worker with two first class degrees, that'll be the day....)
Out of college, money spent
See no future, pay no rent
All the money's gone, nowhere to go
Any jobber got the sack
Monday morning, turning back
Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go
But oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go
Oh, that magic feeling
Nowhere to go

(Maybe sometime in future?)
One sweet dream
Pick up the bags and get in the limousine
Soon we'll be away from here
Step on the gas and wipe that tear away
One sweet dream came true today
Came true today
Came true today (yes it did)

(Well here, the song's no longer that relevant, I just like the ending)

One two three four five six seven,
All good children go to Heaven

"The hard times only seemed hard when I was going through them
Now theyre just memories.
Besides, if I didn't go through the hard times, I probably wouldn't be able to enjoy the good times"
-50 Cent, from the audiobook that I listen to every night before I go to sleep.

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Wednesday, April 11th, 2007
11:52 am - Dilemma
-I have a viral infection of the throat. I apparently need antibiotics. whatever i had a few weeks ago never went away. it just got worse.
i need money, i have essays due. i should really be in bed and not talking.

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Friday, April 6th, 2007
12:32 am - Note
in two weeks i'll be 25.

when my dad was 25, him and my mom had just left Uganda and he was beginning his residency at Harlem Hospital at a time when Harlem still had its rough and tumble reputation. it was so expensive to call home that it was cheaper to send a telegram.

an aunt of mine said to me to day 'it takes time, but soon the hard times will be over and you'll wonder why you were ever so worried.'

you almost feel guilty about being worried and unhappy when your own relatives were thousands of miles away from a war going on in their home and unable to send 1 million emails/texts to their parents.

you can try as hard as you want, but sometimes it's touch to be mr. cool

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Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007
11:24 pm - problems
at the end of the day

*my current job does not pay enough and it is damn near impossible to pay with things that i need to take care of e.g. rent, utilities, food, etc.
*i still don't have a job lined up for the future AND THE APPLICATION PROCESS IS SLOW AND I CAN'T SEEM TO GET SHIT DONE EVER.
*i'm still terrified of the prospects of performing music again. is two months really enough time to rehearse and have everything down. why is it so hard to coordinate? am I not commanding enough?
*i don't want summer to come; at least not the hot, muggy, miserable DC summer we had last year. or am i an idiot for complaining
*my throat is still fucked up.

what the fuck?
the prospects of having spent all this time and money trying to get a masters. you go into a massive amount of debt. you're not getting published. busting your ass for all this shit.

how am i supposed to stay focused on school.

at least if this was the UK, I could go on the dole after my contract with work runs out. this shit takes up all of my time, and what am i getting out of it? I got a sore throat that won't go away, a busted driver's side mirror that I can't afford to fix right now. what the fuck. i can't seem to win.
a friend of mine spent 4 months looking for a job. I can't afford that.

i can't give up, or i'll starve. but i have 'morals' so i can't work for a defense company or something like that. i'm not that good at photoshop, i don't do final cut, or music editing, or software or accounting or law or any distinct service that I could charge a lot of money for.

great. i'll end up being some sulking bartender struggling to make ends meet. next thing you know, you're 35 wrinkled and in the same spot you were when you started. wait a minute fuck that, i hate serving food or drink to ungrateful people. the only advantage to being a bartender would be playing whatever music i wanted over the PA.
Imagine driving away potential customers with the following:

I guess my big fear is ending up in a job that won't allow me to share the knowledge ive accumulated. it's now april 3rd. graduation is may 20th. i need to pay rent. i need to eat. i want to buy new CDs. i want to buy cool clothes. perhaps i want too much.

one day i want to tour
one day i want to see my name in the paper...not for something i've done, but for something i've written.

for now i can just keep writing my commentary on the View's cancellation of an upcoming US tour and wonder if anyone's read my blog today. oh well. you can try and take comfort in so many things, but at the end of the day there are a million and one worries and more disappointments.

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Tuesday, March 27th, 2007
11:19 am - Nova Iorke
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Au contraire que l'opinion publique, nous sommes capable d'etre amicable.


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Sunday, March 18th, 2007
10:04 pm - March 18th and stuff
There's pair of dunks that's on sale @ commonwealth. Marked down to $58. BROWN. But Laura's really not feelin them cuz they're high tops. Fudge.

so um... i've been playin' some music with people. We're down to have practice on Wednesday night. It's all a little strange. I dunno
Favorite guitarists right now:
*maurice deebank (felt)
*will sergeant (echo & the bunnymen)
*bernard sumner (joy division + first two new order albums)

i'd be satisfied with a gig or two

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Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
3:46 pm - Quotes Quotes and more Quotes
Last night I was driving home from Bethesda and I decided to take the local route. There was not a soul on the road. It's incredible. You get so used to seeing these roads jam-packed with people trying to get SOMEWHERE....only to find yourself driving solo seeing nothing but flashing lights in the distance while joy division's "unknown pleasures" is playing at a reasonable volume over the stereo.

While reading a review of Ian Svemonius's "The Psychic Soviet" I stumbled upon this:
"It’s condensed hipster “head thought” aimed at youth culture in dire need of more insightful and high quality information."

All of this thinking reminded me of my favorite quote from Terminator 2: Judgement Day
"The future, always so clear to me, had become like a black highway at night"

and finally one from The Duke himself, John Wayne
"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday."

what the hell does this all mean?

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Friday, March 2nd, 2007
3:59 am - Wu-Wear and You....
Face it

who else could devote an entire essay to Wu-Wear?

Colonel K


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Sunday, February 25th, 2007
4:00 pm - Report incident 2007 07334 black guy, wrong place, wrong time
Today i was walking out of the metro
a police man ran after me and threw me against an electrical box
3 others joined him
they were yelling at me and began searching me. they were screaming about a woman who reported

a black guy in blue jeans and a black peacoat, stolen ipod

i was listening to st. etienne, of all things, a band that nobody round here likes

the handcuffs hurt so bad they were cutting off my circulation
my body was shivering, it was cold, they ripped off my mat, searched my pockets turned me inside out

they bought the woman upstairs and she was screaming "that's the wrong guy, that's not him"

they released me from the cuffs and made a report, 2 of the guys, especiallythe guy who was telling me to shut up

24 years old, crying in the snow

i haven't cried in a long time. i thought i was bigger than that. maybe not, maybe im just thinking that im the shit. i dunno, ive wanted to. but being accused of a crime you didnt commit, being yelled at by three men who could send you to central lock up with all the real cats who would shut you down in a minute...

for 10 minutes nothing mattered. i was in reality. a viscious unhappy and brutal picture of right now.
i' dont really know how to feel.


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Monday, February 19th, 2007
7:52 pm - What Color is your Parachute?
What's more important?
Your passion or your wallet?

Does the world need another lawyer? Maybe
Does the world need a more competent writer? Of-fucking-course
Does the world need another individual willing to stay up all night fact checking cases concerning the sale of wine across borders in the pre-border agreement European Union? Yes. Indeed.
Would you ever change your last name for a job? My name is not Smith for a reason, so, no.
Will debt ever go away? No. Not a chance in hell.
Will student debt ever go away? Eventually
Would you go to Cleveland? Counterquestion: Is it worth living in the American equivalent of Manchester, England in order to be a big fish in a small pond?
Is Washington DC hell on earth? It can be.
Is New York all it's cracked up to be? Not if you're broke, it's not.
London, yeh? Any major European city is strange when you're alone. Plus, it's expensive son.
Los Angeles? I could fuck with some sunny weather.
Would you wash dishes to live out your dreams? I will not do work that is beneath me. I will have a master's degree come May.

Sorry, I don't do epiphanies. Things come to me gradually.

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Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
12:27 pm - Fun facts about Valentine's Day
Maryland was off today. GW Offices and Classes got a two hour delay. Either way, I've got class tonight.

*Holiday displays for Feb 14th traditionally come out the day after New Years
*Candle lit dinners, while romantic, can be dangerous.
*A good woman will buy you fast food and maybe even make your bed.
*If you have no money, it's ok. Unlike Christmastime, thought really does count.
*If you are rich, Moet and a diamond ring are a must.
*If you are lonely, listen to the Smiths. Unlike Robert Smith of the Cure, Morrissey still has his looks.
*If you are single and go out tonight, I guarantee that you will get at least a phone number.
*If you are in a foreign country working or on study abroad on Valentine's Day, spit game in that country's native language. Good things will happen.
*According to my folks, Valentine's Day has really caught on in Uganda.
*The music of the Wu-Tang Clan is 100% appropriate for this holiday. Dipset are not.
*100dBs remains the only man to ever send me a Valentine's day card.
*100dBs'valentine's day mix=the hotness
*If your phone rings at 2:15am on the 15th, answer it, get dressed and make moves
*I've never hated Valentine's day, with the exception of the year 2001. That was pretty noxious.

*I still give better Valentines day gifts anyone out there in the game. hate hate hate hate hate.


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